Grover is one of my favorite characters on Sesame Street. (I actually like him more than Elmo.)
If you grew up watching Sesame Street, you may remember Grover, the cute and loveable furry waiter, which was one of his many roles. The app called "Grover's Number Special", now on the iPad, iPhone, and iPod touch, brings him to life in this interactive game. Matthew is still learning to play this game. Tilt the device one way or the other to move the tray and catch and count the ingredients for the special of the day.
One evening, Elizabeth and Matthew were seated at their little table pretending to eat play food. I decided to bring "Grover's Number Special" to life and surprise my unsuspecting customers. I offered to bring food to their table and clumsily set the food down so it would land on the floor. Elizabeth was shocked at the mess I was making and Matthew thought it was funny.
Here's a short video of the app and my attempt at waitressing.
Teaching Matthew independence starts with the little things - like wiping his own chin.
Matthew is generally neat and likes to be clean. But when eating, he doesn't usually sense if some food has strayed to his chin or cheek or nose. And when he does, it's not easy for him to pinpoint it's exact location. So we use a small acrylic mirror (won't shatter if dropped) to show him where he needs to wipe. It works flawlessly for my visual learner.
It was time for a morning snack. In her little toddler voice, Elizabeth said "no! no!" to yogurt and happily nodded "yes!" to eggs. Matthew was at school. She had me all to herself.
I got out the pan and started to take a few steps to the refrigerator to get the eggs. Elizabeth started whining and clinging to one of my legs. She wanted me to sit and play with her - immediately!
I scanned the area quickly, looking for a toy. There were none nearby. Aha! The old valentine chocolate sitting on our kitchen counter finally had a purpose.
I showed her how to sort by color, count, and pour. She discovered peeling the foil off all on her own.
Cooking the eggs turned out to be a peaceful, non-screaming few minutes. The Hershey kisses had her undivided attention. Even the cat thought it was entertaining.
If only it were this easy to distract her all the time... Maybe I should keep Hershey kisses as a handy distraction when I need to buy myself a little time. But that would be expensive and too much chocolate for me to eat. Real kisses are better - zero calories and priceless!
A person's a person no matter how small. - Dr. Seuss
Dr. Seuss' books have become some of Matthew's favorites. His current favorite is "Green Eggs and Ham". He begs to listen to the audiobook almost everyday and he requests that it be read at naptime and bedtime everyday. He giggles and snickers as I read the story.
I think it's pretty funny too because when I read it, I feel like I am reading about Matthew exactly one year ago. He would not eat anything new or unfamiliar. Sometimes, he even rejected and refused to eat familiar and favorite food. He was on 3rd stage jarred baby food. He would NOT touch a pizza, burger, spaghetti, cake, and other food. It was only a few months after he turned 3, after he went to preschool where they helped me with "food therapy", and after we did more specific oral-motor exercises with him that he began to accept more food textures, tastes, and presentations.
He's still picky and suspicious about new food these days but he's not outrightly rejecting food or seemingly fearful of eating. These days he eats a wide variety of food including raisins, loves burgers, pickles, sweet potato fries, spaghetti, ice cream, and even leafy green salads with ranch dressing.
Hence, Dr. Seuss' Green Eggs and Ham was the perfect party theme to celebrate his 4th birthday, which was earlier this month. Balloons were blue and yellow, which are the colors for Down syndrome awareness.
We had a pull-string pinata. All the kids had a turn pulling a string to release all the little toys in the pinata until all the strings were gone. The pinata had to be torn open, but only after all the bigger kids got a chance at using karate chops and kicks on it.
I do so like green eggs and ham! Thank you! Thank you, Sam-I-Am! - Dr. Seuess
Forget M&M's or any food as a "reward" for using the toilet. That never worked for Matthew anyway.
Unless his bladder has reached or exceeded maximum capacity, Matthew will sit on the toilet and hold... hold...hold... and nonchalantly act like he doesn't need to go. BUT show him your armpit and say you'll let him tickle your armpit after he pees. And just like turning on a faucet, he wills himself to pee. Several times while he's going, as crazy as it seems, he'll stop peeing midstream and want to tickle your armpit. Saying he can AFTER he's done, he restarts the flow instantly.
As soon as he's done, he gets his "armpit reward" and many chuckles out of him and us. I'm not sure which he finds more hilarious - the fact that he gets to tickle our armpits or that he's secretly got us under his "potty control".
Does He Initiate?
Usually not. But there are a few times he has. He'll either come find me and say "I need to go potty" and lead me to the bathroom with him hand-in-hand. Sometimes, his pants and underwear are still dry. Other times, he had already leaked into them. He knows very well when his pants are wet or dry. And there were a few times in the past 3 days when he went to the bathroom himself and just needed my help getting dry pants and underwear from the closet.
Bigger bladder? Better Control?
I'm not sure. He may have a bigger bladder. After all, he has grown some.
Seeing how he can stop the flow midstream, I would think he had better control. But why the leaks/ accidents? Some days he can hold it for an hour. Some days he has held it and stayed totally dry for 2 hours.
Other Motivators
We have had some success using include clapping, lots of praise and cheers, bringing a small toy to the bathroom, allowing him to read a book while on the toilet, and playing on my iPhone while on the toilet. Some worked better than others, depending on his mood. And some were effective only for a couple weeks.
The most effective strategy we've tried is using a kitchen timer as an audible cue that it was time to go. It worked like a charm for a whole month and a half. No resistance whatsoever from him. Then it got to be less effective. I must have jinxed it by blogging about it. He actually still responds to the timer going off and knows it's "potty time!" but he needs more convincing these days. So we still use the timer despite the muted effectiveness.
Another effective strategy that we still use is giving him a short sequence of activities he can expect after going potty. For example, "go potty, get dressed, wash hands, listen to music." Or "go potty, wash hands, blow bubbles." The key is to know what HE wants to do in order to truly motivate him to get through the pottying process without spacing out, without a tantrum, and with as little help as possible.
By the way, this is our 10th month into potty training.
Pouring a drink from a shallow pitcher is one of the fine motor skills that I plan on teaching Matthew this year. A watering can is one of the many ways that provides fun learning and practice time for moving his wrist a certain way and how much to tilt it so that a steady stream comes out. It takes some wrist strength and stability and a certain level of control to pour. And when pouring from one container to another, that sense of control and ability to gauge just the right amount of wrist movement becomes more important in order to avoid spills or overpouring. Watering plants doesn't require such precision but it may be a good way to start developing that precision.
Both kids love playing with water so they each have little plastic watering cans, which have been fun additions to our Water Table play and kiddie pool.
They also love to imitate what Bill and I do. We planted tomato plants in pots on our back deck this year and both kids eagerly want to participate in watering all our plants. So yes, we let them "help". They enjoy it so much that they ask to water the plants.
Letting Matthew use the big watering has added benefits for him. A half-full big watering can is heavy enough to improve his muscle tone. He learns to gauge how much "power" he will need to apply to lift the watering can. He learns how to hold it upright to minimize spills as he walks from the faucet to the plants. He learns to hold it different way to water the plants.
It is considered a "heavy work activity". Many books on sensory processing talk about heavy work activities as a way to provide proprioceptive input to the body. According to a site called Sensory Processing Disorder,
Proprioceptive input is the performance of tasks that involves heavy resistance and input to the muscles and joints, and is essential in helping our bodies assimilate and process both movement (vestibular) and touch (tactile) information.
Intense proprioceptive input has been beneficial for Matthew. He doesn't have an "excessive need to crash and bump into objects, walls, and people" like the Sensory Processing Disorder website describes wherein the input is calming. On the contrary, I believe the right intensity of input helps awaken and stimulate his muscles and nervous system thereby helping him attend better to an activity and allowing him to get more out of the experience cognitively.
Since Elizabeth can't manage the big watering can yet, she's content using the little plastic one.
She's also more than willing to tell Matthew where to water. "There!" she says, as she points. She's proving to be quite a natural at directing.
After a little over a week of no potty accidents at school, Matthew wet his shorts twice yesterday. The hourly potty timer they had for him was not set, which happens to me at home too. And when I forget to set it, he is more likely to wet his shorts unless I remember to take him to the bathroom. He is still learning. And so am I.
He has demonstrated on several occasions that he can hold it in and knows when he needs to pee. He grunts and does the little potty dance. He knows the difference between wet and dry although he doesn't mind being wet.
He just needs the words to express this need. Since I am encouraging spoken language with him, I am not reminding him how to sign "potty." Instead, I prefer to show him the written sentence "I need to go potty" since he can sight read those words. And I know it will be a matter of time before he will spontaneously and independently say "I need to go potty" when he needs to go.
The first time he wet his shorts, his preschool teacher, Erin, noticed that he ran to a corner of the room and had a funny look on his face - the kind of look that says, "I need to go potty." He just couldn't find the words. She was going to take him but he preferred the paraprofessional (Dena) in the class to take him, as she usually does. He refused to go with Erin (he fondly refers to her as "E-in". So they went over to Dena (he fondly refers to her as Dee-ya) together.
Erin said, "What do you want to tell Ms. Dena?"
Matthew slowly but firmly said, "I want to tell E-in BYE!"
Erin said, trying to hide a chuckle, "Why do you want to tell me bye?"
Matthew slowly and clearly said, "I need to go potty, Dee-ya."
The second time he needed to go, Erin says he marched right to the front door and pushed the Go Talk button we have up there with a toilet on it. It says "I need to go potty." Unfortunately, it was just too long of a walk to the restroom. He ended up wetting his shorts but HOORAY for initiating to go BEFORE it happened.
Potty training has been a wild roller coaster ride for us since after Christmas 2010 (when we started potty training Matthew in earnest). Up until today, some days are good, some exceptionally good. And then there are bumpy days when I have a washing machine full of Matthew's pee-soaked underwear and shorts. Bumpy days seem to be fewer and farther between.
Soaked clothes are easily washed. It was the resistant behavior that compounded those "bumpy" days and elevated frustration levels. Matthew's tactics include:
- the "flop and drop" - where he flops and drops to the floor making it hard for me to pick him up to take him to the bathroom.
- swatting at me or hitting me or Elizabeth if she is nearby. This earns him a time-out.
- saying "NOOO!!" and running away from me.
- not cooperating with the toileting process. Sometimes we would be in the bathroom for 20 to 30 minutes just trying to get his shorts back on and getting him to wash his hands. Then it would be time for another potty visit in 30 minutes so it felt like we were in the bathroom all day.
It's a process, right? But was this fighting part of the process too?
I tried to deal with the behavior as best as I could - some days better than others. The solutions I came up with only worked for a few days and then I had to think of the next best motivator for Matthew.
Sometimes taking small toys to the bathroom worked. But then they would distract him from doing what he was supposed to do.
Sometimes making it a game to get to the bathroom worked - like crawling to the bathroom or hopping to the bathroom or taking giant steps to the bathroom. But if there was something else more interesting, then my "game" concept failed.
Sometimes telling him what he could do after using the toilet worked. For example, "Let's go potty and then you can blow bubbles outside."
In the 2nd week of August, I began setting a cheap kitchen timer for every 50 to 60 minutes. I used to set a timer but just for myself to hear. However, this time he would hear it too. It took him about a week to accept this new form of "potty alert". And so far it's been very effective with him. Everytime he hears it, he shouts, "Potty time!" and Elizabeth says it too. It's quite amusing! And that has taken away the Matthew's resistance to me telling him to go to the bathroom. This time it was the alarm telling him to go - loud and clear.
Here is a short video of the timer going off while I'm showing Elizabeth some flashcards.
Of course, there are still times when he will still say no but it hasn't been as bad as it was before. He goes willingly this time. Wow! This timer isn't cheap. It's priceless!! Sometimes he gets to the bathroom before I do and already sits himself on the toilet.
At school, they take him every 50-60 minutes as well and I told them about the success I've had with the kitchen timer. So I think his teacher is using a timer for him at school too. For the past week, he has come home from school in the same shorts and underwear. It's something I always notice when I pick him up from school and I know he has had a successful potty day.
He is learning to hold it in when needed, as he knows that potty time is just 50 to 60 minutes away. He does the potty dance and grunts when he needs to go too. Our next step is to have him initiate, ie. telling someone verbally that he needs to use the toilet.
In the meantime, I'm hoping that the magical kitchen timer's effects doesn't wear off too quickly.
And I'm hoping I haven't jinxed myself by writing about it.
For everyone! Well, unless you're too big to crawl through in which case you'd get stuck or have a hard time crawling through this 6-foot fabric tunnel. Ask me how I know this.
Believe it or not, short little me had a hard time army crawling through. (I can hear you laughing from here.) The only time I tried, Matthew and Elizabeth thought it was so funny that they crawled in right after me. Of course, I couldn't get through as fast as they could so they ended up crawling right on top of me in that very tight space. And of course, they thought that was even more hilarious. After two or three times of being crawled on, I eventually inched my way to the other side. As much as I loved how much they enjoyed this, I never attempted to crawl through again.
Bill tried crawling through the tunnel too and yes, he didn't make it out the other side. I decided to tell him about my tunnel experience AFTER he was stuck. Insert halo here.
Preheating the oven to make dinner, Bill turned around to see Elizabeth digging through her cup drawer. She found a koozie cup, put it on her hand like an oven mitt, toddled over to the oven and, in her sweet toddler voice, said, "Hot! Hot!" Bill was so amused and captured the moment on camera.
I recaptured the moment with one of my sketching pencils, which had been stored away since 2004. I found myself to be out of practice but not totally out of touch with the art. It was like trying to ride a bicycle again after not having ridden for many years. The sketch could've been better but still turned out to be a perfect Father's Day gift for Bill.
As soon as this happy memory is framed, it will go on one of the walls in our house.
As soon as I find the time, I will sketch Matthew too.
Our "walkie talkie" can actually walk and talk. She can walk up to 6 feet unassisted and can say "up."
Our walkie talkie does not require batteries. She recharges with a good night's sleep, a couple naps during the day, infant formula, and lots of attention.
The sky is falling. And I'm not referring to snow.
Having two kids, who are fairly close in age, when they are both sick is not easy. I have snot on my shirt from both kids laying or crying over my shoulders. At least the Tylenol took care of Elizabeth's 102 degree fever.
Yesterday, Elizabeth coated me with vomit. It is not the best alternative to hair gel. They seem to have an unspoken agreement to want to be held at the same exact time. The good news is that I don't need to pay for gym membership to work my arm muscles. When held, Matthew is ok with me sitting on the couch but Elizabeth wants me to be walking. Sigh.
On top of having cough and runny nose, Matthew is constipated. He had been regular up until he made pee potty progress and saying "wet." He was learning to hold it in. Unfortunately, he had also learned to hold in bowel movements. A glycerin suppository fixed that today but not without a lot of tears and struggling. I let him go in a pull-up since he was extremely opposed to sitting on the potty for it.
Naptime officially started 30 minutes early today. Even with both kids asleep, I still hear their cries in my head. So I turn on the iPod to help replace the crying echoes with some soothing jazz while blogging, planning my next set of flashcards for Matthew, and learning to bake sweet potato fries to keep my mind preoccupied. The house chores can wait another day as they usually do.
The mommy gig with two sick kids has certainly pushed me to tears. But I'm learning to deal, slowly but surely. It's a steep learning curve for me having had no siblings and babysitting experience.
The sky is falling. I may stress. I may have burnt my experimental baked sweet potatoes. I may sometimes think I'm not wired to be a mom. But at the end of the day, everything will be ok. Looking at both sick kids, I know that I still would rather be doing the mommy gig than anything else.
Matthew can turn doorknobs. He's been able to do so since he turned 3 last year. Closed doors are not barriers to him in our house anymore.
There were a couple of times when he went into Elizabeth's room and woke her up from her nap, much to my annoyance. But sometimes he goes in there only when he hears her over the baby monitor.
Yesterday, he heard her babbling on the baby monitor. She had just woken up from a nap. "Oh, she's up," I said. He immediately ran to her room to go get her. I followed him with my Mommy spycam and captured the giggling siblings on our Flip video camera.
These amazing photographs were taken in early June. They perfectly portray our life at that point in time: sleep deprived (but happy) parents with a toddler and a new baby.
Elizabeth was just a little over a month old. She cried a lot, probably three times more than Matthew did when he was a month old.
Matthew was 32 months old, active and curious (still is). He was fascinated with the ducks and wanted to follow them around saying "da-da-da" (duck-duck-duck).
We thank professional photographer, Jeremy Keltner, of Your Story Photoart for these beautiful photos. He did a wonderful job capturing not just the moment but its essence. (Note: photos posted with permission from Jeremy)
When I'm feeding Matthew, I usually put Elizabeth in a baby seat/ rocker right next to Matthew's high chair. She loves the interaction and loves watching big brother Matthew, who enjoys babbling to her.
Sometimes, I step away for a few quick seconds to grab something from the kitchen. It's usually an uneventful few seconds. Today, however, I was four steps away when I turned around to see Matthew showering his little sister with milk. Thankfully, it wasn't a whole cup's worth. After a quick "no, no!" and redirection (and quick snapshot of the crime scene), I wiped the milk droplets off of Elizabeth's face, arms, and legs. Surprisingly, she wasn't the least bit upset. Our opportunistic cat, Yuri, found a small puddle of milk on the floor and happily lapped it up.
You may not see the cute little horns holding up Matthew's halo in this photo but his big naughty grin says it all!
