Diaper Changing Strategies

Busy digging through his toy box, Matthew pauses for a few seconds and is concentrating very hard. I hear a few familiar grunts. Ah! He's working on a "project".

Once done, he resumes digging. The diaper contains the matter but not the smell. Even our cat moves away. Time to change the diaper. I pick him up and take him to his changing pad that I have set up on his bedroom floor.

Sometimes, he patiently lays on his back while I talk to him and only rolls over when his new diaper is on. This time, he protests and attempts to roll over as soon as I lay him on his changing pad on the floor. Of course, he wants to get back to playing - NOW! This 1-minute task is about to turn into a 5-minute struggle.

Trying to change the diaper of a toddler who won't stay on his back long enough is all about the entertainment! Short of acting like a clown at the circus, I have a few strategies that I use to help me get the job done.

Strategy #1 - Sing favorite songs
I start singing, "Old McDonald had a farm. E-I-E-I-O..." I pull his shorts off. My animated "moo moo here and moo moo there" isn't enough to keep his attention. He tries to roll over again.

So then I start singing, "If you're happy and you know it, touch your nose." It works! He plays along and touches his nose. I undo the tabs on his disposable diaper and keep on singing. The content of his diaper is revealed. My goodness! How could so much come out of someone so little? I carefully move the toxic diaper away from him so he doesn't accidentally land his foot in it. "If you're happy and you know it, touch your ear." He touches his ear then decides he's had enough. I can usually sing the whole rendition - clap your hands, touch your head, pat your tummy, and blink your eyes. Not this time though. He starts to fuss. Then with both hands starts to reach down there. Oh no!!

Strategy #2 - Give him a toy
I quickly intercept with a rubber block and his hands don't get close to the clean-up zone. Usually, he'll chew on his rubber block. Not right now though. He wants to be up and playing. He tosses it while I'm trying to hold him down. I hand him a rattle and clean his bottom. He tosses the rattle.

Strategy #3 - Peek-a-boo with washcloth
I have the new diaper in position. He struggles to roll over again and almost succeeds. The new diaper is now off-center. I toss a clean washcloth on him. It covers his mouth and his chest. "Peek-a- BOO! I see you, Matthew!!" He covers his face with the washcloth and plays along. I quickly slather diaper rash ointment on his bottom. "Peek-a..." He tosses the washcloth, tries to roll over yet again and gets upset. I just need a few more seconds.

Strategy #4 - Dive bomb him with kisses
I'm at his side not at his feet when changing his diaper. I daringly dive bomb his tummy and neck with kisses. He squeals in delight. I hope the waterworks down yonder don't come on as I reposition the new diaper underneath him so I can get it on just right. Then as I'm securing the tab on the one side, I hear pisssssssss. Oh no! I didn't have the diaper on well enough yet. At least it prevented him from spraying me and everything else within a 12-inch radius. So, pissssssss down the side of his hips soaking the changing pad.

Strategy #5 - Call for back-up
Bill!! I need help here. But he doesn't hear me. He's outside. And Matthew successfully rolls over and starts crawling to the door. Sigh! I suppose since he's empty now, he couldn't possibly go again while I get another changing pad out and get ready to start over.

Sigh! Sometimes I think that maybe a big red clown nose would be more effective.